Kids and Possible Ghosts

My "niece" visited this morning. Laura had spent the night so we could go out to dinner last night and attend a NaNoWriMo Write-In. Her husband and daughter came to pick her up late this morning while we ate breakfast. Once here, Ava didn't want to leave our place, which she admitted freely and repeatedly. The last time she'd slept over, she spent all the next morning watching Curious George episodes and playing with our giant red exercise ball, which is just about as tall as she is.

She played with that ball while Laura and I ate at the table, then came to sit on Laura's lap. Seconds later, she stared at nothing and gave this huge smile. Laura asked, "What are you smiling at?" Ava didn't answer. So I half-jokingly said that maybe Pap-Pap was here and making faces at her. And Ava gave a quiet, "Yes."

Little kids can often see what most of us can't. Spirits and other creatures that exist on a separate plane. As we grow, most of us lose that ability. We learn that ghosts aren't real, or that spirits go up to heaven and watch from up there. I've always thought that ghosts are still around, especially after a recent death. And in order for Laura to spend the night, I moved Pap-Pap's ashes and picture from the guest room to my room, in order to remove any weird feelings from sleeping in a room with someone else's grandfather's ashes there. Laura said she wouldn't have minded, but I didn't want to take that possibility. The ashes are now inside a glass case where I'm keeping his folded army flag and other knickknacks, until Grandma moves up and claims them. It's been nice having his ashes nearby, and I'm fighting off selfish tendencies to ask Grandma for a little bit to keep. It's silly... Heat will change the composition of matter. They're his ashes, his remains, but not him. Not really. But sometimes, I press my hand against the box and wish him hello and goodnight. And sometimes I think he's watching, though there's no evidence of it.

Ava doesn't lie. She hasn't learned about it yet. She'll make up stories about people and animals in picture books (which most kids don't do until they're a couple years older, apparently), but she doesn't yet have imaginary friends or make up games with invisible beings. And she'll freely admit to things with yeses that contain inflections: quiet, loud, easy, reluctant... but they're always true. To have her say "Yes" after I mention Pap-Pap making faces at her.... Laura and I just looked at each other in this "whoa" moment and I said, "I'm okay with that! That's awesome. I'm completely okay with that."

It's a nice thought. I can imagine it, too. Big, wide-mouthed smile of joyful surprise, then squeezed up consternation. Just to make her laugh. He'd never met Ava, but considering Laura's relationship to me and the fact that Pap-Pap always welcomed Laura in the house, I think he'd have liked to see Ava at least once. Maybe he finally has.