Unemployment Complications and Terror

The plan was to spend the summer writing and working on literary endeavors, and then submit job applications at the end of August.

Don't remind me that it's already mid-July...

I was planning to take a break from everyday work, dive into my true work, and then trudge back into a 9-5. But that job was supposed to be out-of-state at a publishing company or something actually within my field. Because let's face it, the only way I'm going to stay in my field is to move away. Pittsburgh may be getting recognition for its artistic endeavors, put pickings are slim for a writer with a publishing concentration. Slim, and positions are already filled.

And finally, after weeks of revisions and investigations, I'm eligible for unemployment compensation. I received back payments for the weeks I claimed, but it's considerably less than I expected, and less than I received last year. A biweekly amount of $374 instead of $410. Amazing what a difference $40 makes. That's my cellphone payment, right there, or a grad loan payment, or the electric bill.

But today I got a reminder that I'm to report to a mandatory CareerLinks meeting in Pittsburgh (date to be determined), where they explain to me how to use the site, explore the site to browse jobs, build a resume, apply, dress for interviews, survive interviews, etc. All stuff I know that, surprisingly, most people don't. They told me this last year when I went. They told me how different I was, that the program was for people who didn't know. They let me leave after 10 minutes because I was participating in an internship with Autumn House Press and Pittsburgh Quarterly. I was furthering my career. Technically, I'm still in that latter internship. But this year, despite PQ, I'm not really in an internship. The literary agent one I was going to apply to isn't until another couple weeks, and CareerLinks probably won't accept that. Nor will they accept my writing or editing positions because they aren't paid, despite furthering my career. But because I'm still doing so much to further my career, and because I attended last year, I'm going to call CareerLinks and see if I can get some sort of waiver. I also simply don't have the money to drive into Pittsburgh and pay for parking. The problem is: If I don't attend this mandatory meeting, I could lose my compensation.

But that's not all folks! I also got a notification stating that I'm to bring a record of my job applications. This includes the date I applied to the job, the contact information, the contact person, and the results. In addition, I have to include records/lists of online searches. All to prove that I'm not putzing around and hoarding the government's money. Because if I don't provide adequate records, if I don't apply BEFORE this CareerLinks meeting, I could lose my compensation.

Online job searches isn't a problem. I frequent LinkedIn and BookJobs.com regularly and have some opportunities saved.

This has stepped up my itinerary by about two months. Now I have to start applying to out-of-state jobs. And I have to apply to jobs that aren't preferred jobs, just to have something. And I'm not too crazy about picking up my life, turning it on its head, and moving across country or to a nearby state just to get any job that comes my way.

And yes, I understand that I probably won't get any of the first jobs I apply to. And having them listed is all that's required. But what if? What if I am selected? It happened with PNC. And what if I have to suddenly figure out what to do with my car, and how to transport Ember, and pick a stranger as a roommate? What if I have to go to a location that seems promising at first, and then get a second job to survive and lose all writing/reviewing/reading time? What if I go to a location that requires me to starve just so I can pay bills?

I'm not ready for this kind of thing. I wasn't last year, and I'm not now. But... when will I be? After Ember dies? When I have my bills paid off? What if this is the time to jump and I was too scared?

For years, I was terrified of driving through Pittsburgh traffic patterns. But when I had to stay with Kim during Chatham's summer residencies, and had to drive myself that second year, I faced that fear (with extreme anxiety) and learned the roads and traffic. It all turned out just fine. And this will, too. I have to trust that it will. But I'm still absolutely terrified.